It’s true that not everyone who tells their spouse that they want them to leave, take a break, or seek a trial separation is telling the absolute truth. In fact, many spouses will make these statements simply because they want their spouse’s attention or are trying to get their spouse to change. Some spouses will make this statement when they are unsure of their marriage, or feel insecure in it. The hope is that her spouse will rise to the occasion, fight for the marriage, and demonstrate her love. Unfortunately, he doesn’t always react the way we’d expect.
This is what I mean. A wife might say, “I never meant for my marriage to be at risk because of this. But I was so mad at my husband at the time. He’s started going out with this group of friends that I can’t stand. So he drinks and he’s acting like a frat boy. I know he’s trying to fit in at his new job and part of fitting in is hanging out with his co-workers. But I married a responsible guy who doesn’t seem immature. The way my husband is acting Now, he’s not the man I married. We had a lot of arguments and even fights about this, so to get his attention, I told him that if he loved his friends that much, he should move out and stay with them. He did. I anticipated that he’d beg me to come home and promise me he’d stop going out, especially with that group of friends. I expected and wanted him to fight for me. But he seems to accept that we’re going to break up. He doesn’t ask me to think it over, it’s almost like this seems fine and sees it as an opportunity to go out with him. it’s friends even more. I am so sad and disappointed. Why wouldn’t he fight for me? Why would he let me go so easily? Does he no longer love me?”
I don’t think it’s fair or right to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Everyone responds differently to these kinds of situations. Even if you and I fight in this situation, that will not be everyone’s answer. And there are plenty of valid reasons why he may be acting a bit more passive. I will list some of them below.
It may not be in his personality to fight: If you asked me to go and give a public speech on something that is important to me, it would be very difficult for me to do so, despite my passion for the subject. This is true even if you were only speaking to a small group. There’s a reason I love to write instead of talk. It’s just not in my character to want to communicate what I’m thinking verbally. It may not be in her husband’s personality to “fight” for you. Some people are simply more passive in their actions. This does not mean that they do not feel anything. It simply means that they are more reluctant to act on their feelings. Or they may act in a less demonstrative way.
He can know what you are doing: Your husband may know very well that you really don’t want a separation or divorce. So, knowing this, he feels that there is no need to do anything but wait. Now, I know what he may be thinking: “well, I’ll show him. I can wait.” But, that’s probably not the best decision. You have to ask yourself what you really want. And if he continues this bluff, he puts his marriage at risk.
You may not like the method: Your husband may be worried and scared about the state of your marriage. But he may also be resentful that you asked him to leave without talking to him first. He may be reacting to the way you left things rather than the fact that you are living apart right now.
He may be hoping it goes well without him having to ‘struggle’.‘Some people are just optimists who believe that if a relationship is right, things will just fall into place in the end. Your husband may be one of these people. He can know that this will probably work without him having to do anything because, at the end of the day, they love each other. For some people, that is all that is required.
He may be dealing with something else: When people exhibit drastic changes in behavior, this is sometimes an indication that they are under stress. Perhaps you feel a lot of pressure at work. Sometimes people will focus on the stressor that caused the behavior change in the first place instead of focusing on the consequences of changing that behavior.
Your options for moving forward: You may be wondering where it goes from here. Well, you have to ask yourself what it is that you really want. You could try this strategy some more and see if you notice or notice any changes in behavior. Or, you could tell him the truth, which is that you miss him and that while you really want to see him adjust his social schedule, you never wanted to officially break up. Instead, he simply thought a break might help them both gain perspective on how they are approaching their marriage. Your answer might tell you more about what you’re really thinking and feeling.
You could try: “I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t have a stronger reaction when you were asked to leave and that you didn’t dominate the starts all the time. I know it was wrong of me to ask you to leave.” move for you to change. But he wasn’t sure what else to do. I don’t want a separation, but I do want you to stay home longer. Is there a way we can commit without us? have to live apart?
His response may tell you more than his lack of “struggle.” Not everyone will react the same way. But when you ask him directly, his words may tell you more than his current lack of actions.
