After the loss of a loved one, there is nothing more important you can do for a friend than be a good listener. Listen to his pain, his fears, his stories, his joy, and all the emotions that come with grieving the loss of a loved one.

But what does it take to be a good listener?

To truly master the art of listening, one must approach each situation with an open heart and mind. Every relationship and situation is unique and requires us to find that place within our hearts to open up and allow another person to fully express themselves.

We are often in a hurry to get to the next appointment, eager to get our own point across, or have too many “other” things on our mind that we don’t pay attention to the person right in front of us. natural desire to be the one to do the talking and simply allow the other person to freely express their emotions without interruption. Sounds pretty easy…so why is it so hard?

Why is it so hard to hear?

• When it comes to grievances, it can be hard to hear the deep sadness your loved one is going through.

• You may be drawn to trying to “fix” your complaint rather than allowing them the space to naturally go through the normal stages of healing.

• It is often difficult to give up our own beliefs and opinions about how the “complaint” should be phrased.

• Life can be hectic and sometimes it is difficult to focus our attention on one person.

• Sometimes we are too tired to listen

10 tips to become a better listener…

1. Focus your attention on the person, not on the million other things you could be doing. And yes, turn off your cell phone!

2. Allow the person to express their feelings without interruption

3. Be willing to make a connection with an open heart.

4. Body language – Observe facial expressions, tone of voice, eye contact, and hand gestures – is your body language consistent with what you are saying?

5. Listen to both the facts and the feelings in what the person is saying.

6. Use open-ended questions that allow the person to express their feelings rather than questions that lead to a yes or no answer. “How does it make you feel?

7. Listen to how things are said and what is not said

8. Own and express your personal feelings through the use of “I” statements

9. Listen to your intuition. What does your inner voice tell you?

10. Be honest. If you’re not in a place where you feel like you can hear, let your friend know that you love them, but you can’t be fully there for them right now. Try to make plans to meet with them at another time when he feels like he can make a connection and is free from other distractions.

Allowing a loved one the space to freely express their feelings at a time of great loss can be very therapeutic and can help you restore balance to your life.

Never underestimate the value of being a good listener.

“You often hear the comment ‘He talks too much.’ But when was the last time someone heard the criticism ‘He listens too much?’ ~ Norman Augustine