Watching TV “sitcoms,” I can’t help but notice that most of the plots revolve around the same theme: someone who is afraid to tell another person the truth. We saw it in the years when Ross loved Rachel, Niles loved Daphne, or George hated Susan. We saw him in practically every episode of Three’s Company.
Why do we hide the truth from people? Usually it’s for one of the following reasons (or a combination): we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, we’re afraid the other person will be mad at us, or we don’t want to feel embarrassed.
What are the main consequences of not speaking up and telling the hard truth? It keeps us stuck in unsatisfying situations, such as jobs, relationships, and other life circumstances. Here are some others:
~ Someone thinks you understand something you don’t understand
~ Someone thinks you agree with something you don’t
~ Someone thinks you are going to do something and you don’t
~ Someone thinks you did something and you didn’t
~ Someone doesn’t know you love him and you do
~ Someone thinks you love him and you don’t
~ Someone doesn’t know what you’re capable of
~ Someone thinks you are capable of something you are not
How do you know when it’s time to tell the hard truth? From that first nagging feeling in your stomach that something about the situation isn’t right. Because there is no bad time to tell the hard truth.
5 ways telling the hard truth is good for your self-care:
1. You deepen your relationships. Social support is a very important element of self-care. When you assume someone can handle hearing the harsh truth, they usually rise to your expectations. When you learn to tell the hard truth in a relationship, you can be yourself in that relationship.
2. You lose stress. Hiding the truth and/or living a lie is very stressful! Telling the hard truth is the antidote.
3. You feel better about yourself. When you’ve done something brave like telling someone the hard truth, you’re sending yourself the message that maybe you can do OTHER hard things.
4. You create evidence that your own thoughts make you suffer: Look at an experience in which you told the hard truth and see that it was the anticipation of telling it that created your worry and stress. Things that hadn’t happened and may never happen, things that you were creating in your own mind. And reality rarely lives up to our dreaded expectations.
5. You can learn from the hard truth. Has someone told you a harsh truth? Use it as a way to deepen your relationship or to improve something about the situation or yourself. Thank the person and acknowledge their courage for telling the hard truth.
Who do you need to tell a hard truth? What hard truths have you been avoiding telling yourself?
(c) Copyright 2005, Genuine Coaching Services.
