No one is prepared to lose a loved one. Whether it was expected or not, it still comes with a shock. Although we rationally know that death is inevitable, we always hope that it will not happen or not yet happen.
Although grievance is an experience that feels like you are going crazy, there are a variety of reactions and responses that are normal. Some of the possible reactions can be on an emotional, physical, cognitive, behavioral and spiritual level. However, ‘normal’ does not mean that they are easy to experience.
In the next article we will look at emotional, physical and cognitive reactions.
Emotional reactions may include
- Sadness
- Shock
- Anger
- Blame
- Jealousy
- anxiety and fear
- Pity
- Relief
- Feeling powerless and hopeless or helpless
- Feeling irritable and frustrated
- Loneliness
- longing/longing
- Numbness
- Depression
- lack of control
- Resentment
- “Complaint Attacks”
It is often normal for you as a grieving person to experience all sorts of emotional reactions, even contradictory ones, at the same time. You may not know yourself reacting that way normally and you struggle with self-criticism.
The main and important point to emphasize here is that emotional reactions are just one way that grievance can be expressed. It doesn’t have to be the best and only way to get through the grieving process.
Physical reactions may include
- Headaches
- Nausea
- Fatigue
- loss of appetite
- insomnia
- Sensitivity to various stimuli, particularly noise.
- Muscle tension
- Exhaustion
- Bread
- Lack of energy
- Chest tightness
- difficulty breathing
Physical pain is often a way to channel the energy of grief. Most people experience one or more of the physical symptoms and some even experience physical pain. Again, physical reactions are only one way and are no better or worse than emotional reactions.
If you are experiencing physical ailments, it is recommended that you have them checked and rule out any other cause. Also remember that exercise is a good way to deal with stress.
Cognitive reactions may include
- Disbelief
- obsessive thinking
- Listlessness or numbness
- Being unable to concentrate and remember
- Loop thinking and continuous “what if” scenarios
- disorientation and confusion
- Lack of motivation and focus.
- impaired judgment
- Thinking about wanting to find someone to blame or harm something to ease the pain
- ringing
- Decreased concern for oneself
- Empty
- Loss image playback
Cognitive reactions are another way of trying to make sense of the loss. Ask yourself the “Why?” questions is part of this level and is very common, not just in the immediate time after the loss of your loved one.
Talking, whether with your partner, a friend, a family member, or a professional, has been found to be helpful in reducing and treating obsessive thoughts.
It has often been thought that people who show cognitive reactions but lack emotional responses do not grieve “adequately.” This is not the case. Neither way is better or worse, they are just different. Be careful not to force your way of grieving on another person.
