New York, NY – Yesterday it was discovered that New York is, in fact, the center of the Universe. Combining the resources of the American Astrophysics Association, NASA, and We Are The World (NYC, that is), the four-year study looked at the gravitational pull of the Universe and other factors.
“So?” asked Mike Spano, 23, of SoHo, “is this news? I’ve been telling everyone this for years.”
Dr. John Smithberg, PhD, of WATW (BTI), said, “When I got my degree at NYU, I knew that proving that New York City was the center of the world was my calling.”
The study used advanced analysis tools on data from the Hubbel telescope. They were able to calculate, based on astral rotations, that the gravitational pull of the Universe was centered around New York City.
As with many studies, this one is not without controversy. Based on the data, it doesn’t seem clear whether Wall Street or Broadway is the real center. By some numbers, the exact center appears to be Broadway and 34th Street. Other numbers indicate the little deli on Wall and Rector.
“Who doesn’t know that New York City is the center of the world?” asked Sammy DaBull, 21, of the Upper East Side. “All my friends agree with me!”
The study also added that people in New York City don’t need to know anything outside of New York. He explains that while it is helpful to know the Jersey Shore and Miami, it is not necessary to know where states like Louisiana and Canada are located.
