I often hear from wives who want to know if their husband feels enough remorse or guilt after his affair or infidelity. Sometimes the wife suspects that the husband is only acting to get forgiveness or the response he wants from his wife. And some wives tell me that their husbands act as if they are outraged or justified in their behavior, which can absolutely infuriate wives.

A husband’s feelings after being caught cheating can certainly vary and differ as much as husbands themselves. Also, how he feels about this may change over time as the truth really starts to come out and be worked out. In the following article, I will discuss some of the feelings I have witnessed or admitted to from men who have been caught cheating.

Typically, a husband’s initial reaction after being caught cheating is panic: Although he may not show you this reaction, many men often feel shock and panic once the cat is out of the bag. As unbelievable or silly as it sounds, most men never really think they’re going to get caught. In their own minds, they’re going to figure this out before you find out.

So your initial reaction is damage control on all fronts. They are often not thinking clearly and are trying to scramble to determine their best strategy for moving forward. Unlike women who would try to sort out their feelings and take inventory of what their “intuition” and integrity are telling them to do, men are often reactive, meaning they just react to what is happening at the moment. instead of doing it. to worry about taking actions that will positively affect your future.

A cheating husband’s feelings about his mistress and wife will often change depending on where they are in the process: Often, if the relationship with the lover failed to end naturally or develop, the husband may still be confused or grieving over this loss, even though the relationship never had a real chance. And because the wife will surely be furious, reeling, and very resentful after learning of her affair, he is often reluctant to deal with her in an honest manner because he is embarrassed and ashamed of her actions.

These are negative feelings that most people intuitively want to avoid as a means of self-preservation, so often the husband will become outraged and defensive. The wife will sometimes interpret this to mean that he is unrepentant and not guilty. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes she is just trying to “save face” and is faking it. She figures that if he doesn’t dwell too much on the details of the affair and can get you out of the trial as quickly as possible, he can minimize your hurt and anger. In short, you want to spend as little time as possible justifying or explaining her actions, and therefore her actions will usually be a direct response to this.

This can be absolutely infuriating, I know. Sometimes you really have to explain that you’re not going anywhere and you’re not going to stop until you get the answers you need. Sure, he can act all he wants, but that’s not going to change anything on your end. What he is going to demand is not going to change simply because he is acting badly. Sometimes when you convey this to him, you’ll start to see his true feelings, which are usually based on guilt, remorse, and fear that he just doesn’t know where to go from here.

Usually, with a little time and distance, most cheating spouses legitimately feel remorse when it becomes obvious what a huge mistake they have made and how much pain they have caused: Like I said, many men will try to blame or minimize their actions at first. When you make it clear that you are not having this and are willing to wait, many will realize what a huge mistake they have made. And this is usually when you start to see their remorse, fear, and sadness. Also, this is often when they can start to look back and realize what a fool they’ve been and how they were searching for something that never really existed except within themselves.

See, men usually cheat as a direct response to their own fears and doubts. And there is no other person on earth who can give them this but themselves. Yes, sometimes they build the mistress and affair as an answer to their problems. But now that they are on the other side and see the pain they have caused others, they realize how wrong their thinking was.

Of course, by now, it might be too late to realize this. And once this reality hits, that’s when you’ll often get desperate apologies and pleas. This takes longer for some men than others. Some men will reach this point almost immediately after the affair is out of the bag. For some, this takes weeks or even months without help. Some men eventually need help getting to this point because denial has become an unfortunate habit for them.

In short, most men feel remorse, guilt, and grief after being caught cheating. But some men take longer to get to this point than others. Sometimes, you will have to “help” them to get to this place.