We have all been through an unfortunate circumstance that made us cry. Or the loss of a loved one, financial hardship, job layoff, failed exam, painful breakup, failed deal, betrayal, public embarrassment, family problems, a health problem, or simply clinical depression. What makes those events even more painful is that they are mostly unforeseen – they happen suddenly, when we are least prepared for their effects. The fact that we have no control over most of the difficulties in our lives can be extremely devastating.
Sometimes when these unfortunate events happen, we just want to shut the whole world up and cry alone, but usually, we seek out those we feel love us and narrate our ordeal with them to lift us up with their words. . Unfortunately, most of the things we hear during our troubled period do little to get us out of our predicament, and some even make us feel more miserable. Sometimes it’s better to pet a person while they cry or cry, without saying a word, or just keep repeating, “Cheer up, cheer up,” than to make some stupid statements. Here are four stupid things that people say to a grieving person that do little to bring them out of their pain:
- “Forget it” or “It’s nothing”: This stupid claim is very common. A person has just been betrayed by a trusted friend, or has suffered public humiliation, and what comes to mind is that it is nothing. You tell them to forget it. It may not mean anything to you because you are not in their shoes, but it means something to THEM, so you have to respect that. Human beings are programmed to choose the easiest way to solve a problem. If it was that easy to forget, or if it were natural, that would be our first line of action. They would not grieve in the first place. I often heard one person say to another after a breakup with someone they love, “Forget it and move on!” as if it were that easy. We can say this in a different way that would not make a grieving person feel like you despise their problem. Simply put, it is stupid to ask a person in deep pain to just put the pain aside and get going.
- “You are a man”: And that? Who ever made the rule that a man should never suffer? Who stereotyped men as heartless robots? Immediately a man begins to show signs of pain or distress, people start brandishing this stupid statement. “You are a man. You are not meant to cry!” Who says please? He had a wife and she died suddenly, leaving him with a small child and a big hole in his heart. Let him cry, please. He lost his job in a sudden downsizing and is the head of the family. Why shouldn’t I cry? He is a man and has a heart. If this is all you have to say, just continue patting him on the back silently. It is a stupid statement that is not worth saying.
- “God made it happen”: God and Satan are to blame for much more than they are responsible. When people misbehave, they blame Satan. When misfortune strikes, they blame God. “The Lord gives, the Lord takes,” they say with resignation. Well, the correct statement is “The Lord gives, Satan steals, kills and destroys.” God did not hit his son with a disease. The Bible says that no one should say when disaster strikes that God is behind their predicament, because God is incapable of doing evil (James 1:13). Rather, Satan is responsible for the theft, slaughter, and destruction that abound (John 10:10). Stop blaming God. Is innocent. Encourage the afflicted person to fight the devil and claim his victory. Does it make sense for God to make you lose your source of livelihood and beg in the streets? What kind of loving Father would do that? However, God could take a smaller blessing from you to give you a bigger one.
- “You’re Christian”: A Christian is someone who is like Jesus Christ. Which brings me to the question, “Was Jesus sad when He was on earth?” “I cry?” If he did. Jesus wept when Lazarus died (John 11:35). Jesus was saddened when a group of people did not want Him to heal a man with a withered hand (Mark 3: 5). The hypocrisy, stubbornness, and wickedness of their hearts caused Jesus pain.
And looking around with anger, saddened by the hardness of his heart, he said to the man: Stretch out your hand. And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored like the other. (Mark 3: 5-6)
Jesus was in severe agony when he prayed in Gethsemane (Luke 22:44). He cried out in frustration on the cross when he felt a separation between himself and God (Mark 15:34). Why do we think that Jesus was less human in emotions than we are? David is another example of a great man in the Bible who wept bitterly at times. When his son Absalom died, he wept bitterly (2 Sam 18:33, 19: 4). When his wives and children and those of his soldiers were kidnapped, he and his men wept until they had no more energy to cry (1 Sam 30: 3-4). David and his men didn’t show up to see their city burned down and the captive women and children, and they got up in anger and said, “What nonsense? We’re going to hunt down these people right now!” First they cried with sore eyes and hoarse voices. In fact, they were only able to think clearly because they had no more energy to cry. If they had a little more energy to cry, they would definitely have cried a little more. Being a Christian does not mean that humanity is taken away from you. In fact, the Bible commands us to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who suffer (Romans 12:15). These are just examples of many in the Bible. It is stupid to reprimand a person for grieving simply because he is a Christian.
