With 25 years of marriage counseling experience, a husband, and two children of her own, Dr. Carol Ummel Lindquist is an expert when it comes to making a marriage work, with or without children. Her recent book, happily married with children is a step-by-step guide to turning the fantasy of a perfect marriage into a reality.
“Today’s high standards for parenting lead to low standards for marriage,” Lindquist says. “The irony of these contrasting standards is that having a healthy marriage is a great gift to your children and to yourself.” Her goal is to educate parents, happily married or not, on how to develop and maintain relationships that benefit the entire family.
In happily married with childrenLindquist teaches moms and dads to avoid “the real parent trap” of burnout and interruption, manage conflict and improve communication with spouse and children, remain best friends with their spouse, balance work and family, enjoying their children and others at any age, reviving their sex lives, finding humor in everyday difficulties, and making time for themselves and their marriages.
Each of the book’s four sections is divided into chapters that candidly and warmly address different aspects of marriage and parenting, such as developing a marital support system in “Support Networks: It Takes a Village to House your marriage”, meeting your spouse again after the birth of your children in “Who Is This person I married?”, handling separation due to work or other stressors in “When One Parent Travels” and disagreeing without hurting each other in “Fight Like the Windows Are Open.”
Summaries and bulleted lists in each section and bold topic headings in each chapter break the text into digestible chunks. A sprinkling of comics and personal stories from Lindquist’s family and her counseling experiences make the book conversational and add some humor to a subject that puts many couples on edge; You’ll want to keep it on your nightstand or enjoy it in the morning with coffee, and attractive enough to appeal to even the most reluctant reader.
While most self-help books suggest major behavior reviews, Lindquist recommends small changes and goal setting with your partner to reduce tension and increase communication over time. In the early chapters, Lindquist says that one of the most important things she can do for your marriage is to make sure you and your spouse have 20 uninterrupted minutes to talk or snuggle every day, as well as “dates” every week.
She also suggests that couples set aside separate “personal time” to work on family issues weekly, monthly, and quarterly without interrupting their special time together. Lindquist even includes worksheets to help you and your spouse begin dealing with conflict and making family decisions.
In addition to sharing his own wisdom and experiences in each chapter, Lindquist references books he’s read on marriage and parenting. After the last chapter, she includes a complete list of books, articles, videos, and websites that she recommends, including those she mentions in the text.
Lindquist’s tone is light and entertaining, giving him a realistic approach to marriage; happily married with children is a book that never preaches and constantly encourages couples to try new things and seek other resources. A happy marriage no longer has to be just a fairy tale. Lindquist demonstrates that it’s possible to make the transition from partnership to parenthood without losing the intimacy you and your spouse share, showing couples how to regain closeness and repair relationship damage on any level.
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In happily married with children Dr. Carol Ummel Lindquist highly recommends these books:
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families: Building a Beautiful Family Culture in a Turbulent World by Stephen Covey and Sandra Merrill Covey
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from America’s Leading Relationship Expert by John Mordechai Gottman and Nan Silver
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Sincere Commitment to Your Partner by Gary Chapman
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix
The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program to Save Your Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis
happily married with children
By Carol Ummel Lindquist, Ph.D.
$14.00 / trade paperback
Berkley Publishing Group
