Resume:

In this article I want to share the idea of ​​the symbiosis of relationships and its effects on the future of marriage and breakdowns in couples. Symbiosis is the connection that two people find with each other at the beginning of relationships that cause the initial attraction and the decision-making process to marry or live together. Culture plays an important role in symbiosis along with developmental problems of the type of parenting style experienced in early childhood.

Introduction:

To understand symbiosis we have to know what that really means! It is a term that describes the needs and wants that are satisfied from one party to another. For example, if a girl grows up where her parents are overly affectionate, think for her, and make all the decisions, she may as an adult look for men who are controlling and demanding, as this satisfies her need. continue without thinking for herself and have her decisions made for her. The man may have had very critical parents where he learned that control of others is the purpose of relationships and therefore he seeks out the girl who is needy, easy to control, and allows him to think for her. This couple will have symbiosis in that structure and will be happy with the role they are playing psychologically. This form of symbiosis is a dominant subdominant arrangement. However, to have a complete symbiosis, there must be many complementary matchmaking needs and desires factors for a new couple to decide to marry.

In relationship research it has been found that couples with similar backgrounds, social status, and proximity tend to be attracted to each other and form long-term relationships (1. Festinger 1950). However, today much of that research may need to be reviewed, as diversification in relationships is increasingly likely, particularly with interracial marriages, as people travel more and have more opportunities to meet men and women. women of different cultures Here symbiosis can be the determining factor in the continuity of relationships. The research most cited now is also from more than 30 years ago and the subjects were often single American college students who were not exactly representative of the population as a whole and are statistically doubtful today. For example, the work of Zajonc 1971, Dion 1972, Griffit & Veitch 1974, Bossard, 1931, and Hedier 1958, while much of this research on relationship factors is still relevant today, many lack an understanding of the factors. cultural changes of a global society. The most obvious criticism is that previous research often focused on a couple isolated from other players in the relationship, such as mothers-in-law, friends, and ex-partners, especially with a worldwide divorce rate of nearly 37%.

According to the enrichment magazine on the divorce rate in America:

• The divorce rate in the United States for the first marriage is 41%.

• The divorce rate in the United States for a second marriage is 60%.

• The divorce rate in the United States for third marriage is 73%

Symbiosis:

If then we accept that at the beginning of the relationship the symbiosis is evident and both parties are happy with the arrangement, how does it go wrong? Some common patterns emerge from counseling couples and individuals. First, that people change over time, particularly women, who may have needed a situation of dependency in their early years, but as education and maturity play their part, women become more self-confident than In the past, she begins to demand to be heard, that her opinion counts now. The husband often sees this rebellion against symbiosis as damaging to the marriage, as he is still very happy to be the dominant decision maker. Once the husband loses control of the wife who was once subdominant, he turns to seek the satisfaction of his dominance towards a third party, looking for a young woman whom he can dominate again. Leaving the marriage in an unbalanced symbiosis as now the needs of both parties are not being met. For example, the wife needs more independence of thought as he seeks to reestablish the symbiosis that existed before and that suited his need for control. The inevitable result of such an imbalance is often divorce, yet many women claim that they remain in unhappy marriages for the sake of the children or their own personal safety. Having found the need for independence of thought does not mean financial independence! Here a woman can try to find new outlets for her feelings through children or outside interests. Although we are using just one example, it is the most common among married couples. A second area of ​​symbiosis is the person’s vision of life. His view of life is how he sees the world, for example, as dangerous, wonderful, or useless. This life position can return to being symbiotic at first with a shared vision of the world. Experience over time can change this, for example, such as becoming a vegetarian for animal welfare reasons and the couple continuing to want to eat meat. This change in an overview of life and the world can have profound effects, especially in mixed cultural marriages. A Muslim married to a Christian could turn into a fiery relationship after the passion of the initial attraction wears off! Diversity is now a much more common arrangement in marriages than in the past and a challenge for modern counselors trying to resolve the couple’s fundamental differences in life points of view, especially since the counselor will also have his or her point of view. view of life.

Switch to symbiosis:

What are the positive aspects of the change of symbiosis for a couple? Here couples must readjust to their long-term arrangements. First to accept that people can change and that new needs can be found, including a sense of purpose in life. If partners can adapt to change and be more responsive, many marriages could be revitalized into a new symbiosis for both. For example, if the dominant husband accepts that his wife can think for herself now, he can be proud of her maturation and encourage her to take more risks in what she decides for herself. He could become more democratic in marriage if he agrees to talk more before decisions are made that both feel are good and not just one. Of course, in many marriages these roles are reversed. Second, the lack of symbiosis is one of the main causes of many trivial arguments that later turn into great arguments about the relationship itself.

Many clients say that once the symbiosis has changed, the intimacy of the relationship and sex is usually the first victim of the new positions. There are many reasons why the symbiosis can change, job loss, economic slowdown, caring for an elderly relative can put pressure on the dynamics of a relationship. In our example, if our dominant man lost his job and was unable to work for some reason, then the wife may begin to worry that the trusted man she trusted is now depressed and in doing so, become less confident, less dominant and less sure of the future. . Here the symbiosis is not affected by the internal arrangement but by external elements that are beyond its control.

The symbiosis can be affected by third parties, such as the mother-in-law, who can influence their daughter or son to adopt certain positions in the marriage and influence the carefully managed symbiosis to a point of crisis. In some cultures such as China, men are strongly influenced by their mothers after marriage, particularly in the case that the man wanted a mother replacement in his wife (very common). This can lead to three-way symbiosis where accommodation in the needs of three people is allowed. The Chinese husband often yields to his mother’s power and leaves the wife feeling powerless.

Traditional, Custom, Culture in Symbiosis:

People often misinterpret the words, traditional, custom, and culture in terms of correct and incorrect behavior and norms of conduct. Tradition is something we have always done, but we have often forgotten its original purpose and continue practices with an attitude, we have always done it that way. Custom is the preferred way of conducting daily life that is acceptable to most of a class of people. For example, greetings and the offer to pay for a meal with the intention of knowing that the offer will be rejected. However, the culture is very different, constantly changing in accordance with the pressures of modern life, the economy, and now technology. An iPhone is as much a part of modern culture as high-speed trains. The change of culture puts tradition and custom to the test, since they are not always compatible. In symbiosis, the generation gap between the traditions followed and the customs developed can be in direct competition with the changing culture. Here the discussions between parents, young married couples, and single adults can differ greatly in their symbiotic needs. Symbiosis can traditionally be sought in marriage according to the parents’ idea of ​​the correct form and the needs of the future care of themselves, even to the point of practically selling their daughter for money disguised as traditional custom. Young couples struggling to find a place in a tough economic climate may decide to coexist as a way to avoid tradition and adjust to a more modern cultural approach to economic realities. Therefore, the symbiosis between generations is not maintained and even governments try to enact laws to enforce traditional values ​​with tax incentives and penalties. (2. Myler 2011)

Summer:

You can see from our symbiosis overview that many factors can interfere with and damage the original symbiosis of a marriage that begins as a balanced happy arrangement only to fall into discord later in life according to changes in that symbiosis. Symbiosis is then the cornerstone of a successful marriage or future divorce. The symbiosis can only be maintained through constant vigilance to changing times and the growth of the individual’s personality, abilities, and change in outlook on life. If you are going to have a long-term relationship, both parties need to understand that change happens and accept it in a positive way. While most couples in psychotherapy can, when given an idea, make positive changes in their outlook and outlook on life, many, of course, cannot and seek a third party to bring the symbiosis back to their psychological well-being, either through adventures or divorce with a new marriage with a partner who offers that symbiosis that they wanted from the old partner.

References:

1. Festinger 1950, Advanced Psychology through Diagrams – G. Hill

2. Myler 2011, The China Papers

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