First let me explain what I mean by “emotional terrorism.”
When you are in a relationship, at home or at work, with a person who constantly humiliates you, harasses you, pressures you, indulges in your pain, says negative things about you, or makes you feel worthless, then you are trapped in a situation of emotional terrorism. .
By staying in a relationship with someone who feels the need to humiliate you and beat you up (physically or psychologically), you actually continue to feed their destructive attitude. It’s hard to conceive why so many people stay together with such a partner, but they do. This is due to the belief that they deserve nothing better, that they are not worthy of true love. They lack self-respect and don’t really consider leaving the relationship. They are stuck because the vibrational energy of the dysfunctional relationship coincides with the low level of their own self-esteem.
People who do not respect themselves attract, through their vibration, abusers who then “confirm” that they do not deserve any respect. The outside world reflects back to you what is happening inside of you. If you have a partner who is hitting you, then that’s because in some way you are already hitting yourself from the inside. Does your partner constantly harass you? Does your partner attract you with negative comments, no matter what you do? Then start by looking at how you are bullying yourself and how many negative comments you are directing at yourself. Being around negative people is because your relationship with yourself is also very demeaning.
Does your partner not love you? The first thing to look at is whether you really love yourself. Because if you love yourself, so will your partner. If you love yourself, then it is impossible for a loveless partner to remain in your life. If you maintain a positive internal dialogue with yourself, you are simply not aligned with a person who is tearing you apart with negativity. When you find yourself in a long-term relationship with such a person, then this is a testament to how bad your relationship with yourself really is.
Step 1 – First you have to honestly examine the quality of your external relationships. If the quality of the relationship is very low, break up and leave. It’s only fair to take some time to fully make up your mind, but remember that leaving someone doesn’t have to take a long time. However, your own safety is always the first priority. If you are in danger, leave immediately. Later, when you recover, you can still take some time to analyze the situation and see how you got involved in that relationship.
If you notice that your relationship is bad, but there is no immediate threat to your life or well-being, then get out of the control that the emotional terrorist has over you by doing the following. First, understand that someone who has to hurt other people to feel good is a vampire. He absorbs your energy to stay alive. These people are sick, both in their heads and in their hearts.
They probably had a troubled childhood and never learned to love, but this is no excuse for their behavior and certainly no reason for you to stay with them. Don’t play therapist in your relationship! Any adult who commits to positive change can do so, but it is not your role to lead your partner into healthy behavior. You will lose time, energy and self-esteem. Your efforts will be in vain. Why would this energy vampire make an effort to improve if he can easily feed off of his victim’s energy? Ask yourself this question: “Do I want to be the victim of an energy vampire?”
Everyone who has experienced a vampire-victim relationship knows how difficult it is to escape the clutches of such a person. His tactics are so subtle and covert that it is really difficult for the mentally healthy person to understand the strategies of the emotional terrorist. Everything they do is prepared to make you doubt.
Here is the infernal vampire-victim combination: the vampire pretends to “know it all” while the victim “doubts herself.” This combination is fatal, because every time you see clearly and realize that you are the target of emotional terrorism, the vampire will begin to act friendly to make you doubt your conclusion. Every time you see him for who he really is and decide to leave, his strategy is to go back to a kind of honeymoon feeling to make you doubt your opinion. You will say to yourself, “How could I have thought so poorly of him? Look how kind he is! No one else has said such kind words to me.” Beware! Don’t forget that the vampire will put you to sleep before attacking! You become less awake, less alert, and when you’re tricked into thinking he’s a friendly person again, things go back to “normal” and he strikes again.
His attacks get worse and worse while your defense gets weaker and weaker. It wants to empty you completely, until there is nothing left of you. What he wants (perhaps subconsciously, but that doesn’t matter) is to depersonalize you, to cut your ego into little pieces, until you no longer exist as your own person; that’s when he has complete power over you.
Step 2 – After examining the quality of your relationship, the second thing you need to do is listen carefully to each other. Instead of listening to that energy vampire, listen to your feelings! Any time you experience fear in your relationship, you are not in a loving relationship! Love and fear do not go together. Where there is fear, love cannot exist. Take your feelings seriously! Fear does not come out of nowhere; it is an important sign that something is wrong.
Step 3 – Here’s a trick to quickly escape from someone’s grasp. Make a list of everything the other says just to make you feel bad. Assign a number to each sentence and learn this list by heart. Now, every time he makes a negative comment to you, don’t react, but go to your list and mark the corresponding phrase. Every night, review your list and keep statistics: make a summary to check daily how many times you used the first sentence, the second sentence, etc. This will help you stop reacting to negativity and stop feeding it. So don’t answer, just check your list. It will only take you a few days to know the list by heart!
Step 4: Be aware of the fact that an emotional terrorist will not let his victim slip through his fingers without a fight! He will redouble his efforts to keep you down. Don’t stay with someone like that. If it’s your partner, leave it. If he’s your boss, find another job. If it’s your mother or father, keep some distance for a while and go visit them in small doses. Talk to a lawyer if necessary. In any case, a person who behaves like this cannot be cured in a matter of weeks. If you ask me, he may never be fully healed in his lifetime.
Staying in this kind of fearful relationship is a ticket to hell! So don’t stay waiting for the impossible, but start living your own life. You are worthy to live a life of love, happiness and freedom! NO ONE deserves to submit to such destructive behavior!
Step 5 – Now that you have left that person, you can start to take a look at the relationship with yourself. Do you love yourself? Learn to love yourself! Make a commitment to yourself to never get involved in these kinds of relationships again. Be kind to yourself. If you want to do something for these people, pray for them, visualize how they heal inside, but don’t stay with them. It is not your responsibility to cure them. Destroying yourself is not an option and it won’t help you either! You were meant to be loved, never forget that! Take care of yourself!
