So your offer to keep the marriage is an open marriage?

Interesting to say the least.

Well, where do you start here?

First things first, if you choose to play with fire, don’t be surprised if you get burned. You decided to cheat on your spouse and there may not be a happy ending like in the movies.

Hopefully, when two people agree to marry, it is for the long term. Relationships are not easy, as we all agree that there are ups and downs.

I came across this thread on a Love Shack infidelity forum.

The story is told by a wayward wife who sleeps with a stranger in a bar after dating her girlfriend. This night of “enchantment” took place after a handful of fights with her husband. It takes a long time before she finally confesses and he explodes (didn’t see it coming). He thinks about it for a moment, sits her down, and then explains that he is so upset by her actions that he no longer wants to make love to her. So he offers her the ultimatum to keep the marriage if she agrees to an open marriage where he has sex with an escort on a monthly basis. (Now I’m the one who’s upset.) And if she disagrees, he wants a divorce.

Wow!

They both made hasty decisions. She cheated. He also acted out of emotion and came up with a harmful proposal. Yes, affairs are horrible, but never make a quick decision regarding a long-term relationship. Your bad decisions were quick, but the healing isn’t quick. There is no quick fix here. The feelings will linger for a while no matter what.

My wife cheated on me not long ago. Before she cheated on us, neither of us was very happy. There was no spark like before. Since I caught her, things have definitely gotten better. We are both reacting to each other more positively and doing what marriage is all about: exchange.

OBJECTIVE

I still feel hurt.

As long as your emotions are raw and the fire is burning, DO NOT add gasoline to the fire. You do NOT need to burn more.

So what would have been a better way to handle this situation (in my opinion)?

What the betrayed husband should have done

It just made things worse by offering even such a ridiculous solution. What does that offer mean?

• Does that mean you’ve been thinking about having sex with other women for a while and now you’ve found the perfect excuse?
• What is more important sex or marriage? What do you expect to happen man?
• Do you think your wife is going to say, “Yeah, okay, darling, sure. Anything to stay with you. I was wrong to betray you and now you have the right to have sex with whoever you want. I’ll just wait here at home and have dinner waiting for you too. “?

Ridiculous! I want to throw up.

Two mistakes do not make a success. Life is neither logical nor rational.

What should the rebellious spouse do if he really WANTS to stay married (again in my opinion)

• Address your feelings more effectively IMMEDIATELY. She must be Convincing about her pain and empathy for her pain. This will only be done in her behaviour, words and body language.
• He identifies that two mistakes do not make a hit in his own head.
• Do not retaliate by accusing him of wanting to be unfaithful to you.
• Don’t talk about distrusting him. That will only further ignite your already blazing fire.

Action

Imagine her dating the same friend on a Friday night again who let her cheat on her husband. IDEA ADB. You should fire your friend.

Words

What she says should show that she understands how hurt he must be and even try to give examples of what she thinks he is feeling. Offer him a way out if things don’t work out after giving him time to think about it. Reiterate that quick decisions are what started this fiasco to begin with.

DO NOT SUPPORT THE FIRE, it could get out of control.

Body language

You communicate your feelings and what you think more through your body language than anything else. I ALWAYS observe my wife’s body language when talking about difficult topics related to our relationship, who does not?

Rebellious spouse return offer

She should suggest that they take time and do nothing for a while. See how they feel later. Now is not the time to speak. Reconsider things before speaking. If after a while you don’t want to stay, you can file for a divorce.

You made a rash decision to cheat. There will be no quick fix, sorry. If you want to leave after taking the time to reconsider, then these are the consequences.