Anger is one of the most common emotions that surface when dealing with grief and loss. It is a normal human response if you feel abandoned, betrayed, disrespected, or undeserving of the experience you are facing. It tells us that we have to do something.

If you have been taught early in life that anger is a bad emotion or that only people with little or no self-control show their anger, there is a good chance that you repress or keep this emotion inside. By keeping it inside and not sharing it with anyone, you set yourself up for depression and may have to deal with the physical effects of another little-understood emotion.

What can you do? How can you use your anger?

1. There is nothing wrong with getting angry when dealing with loss and change. This is critical to understanding your mental health. And like any other emotion, it’s wise to get to the bottom of your anger, identify the source, and do whatever you can to resolve the issue. The key to turning it off is trying to understand why the situation developed. What’s behind it all.

2. Resolving anger is in your best interest for one important reason: It has a devastating effect on every cell in your body, as well as your emotional disposition. For every thought and emotion we have, the body has a physical counterpart. Your body will accept the punishment of anger not only when you first face it, but every time you replay the scene that triggered the anger in your thoughts. That is extremely harmful.

3. Be aware that anger can be hidden or disguised as anxiety, sarcasm, jealousy, dependency, depression, withdrawal, fear, and feelings of frustration or abandonment. It’s about your ego. Become aware of whether or not you are suppressing anger (consciously drawing it in) or using it to cover up deeper fears or feelings.

4. Decide why you are specifically angry. Find someone you trust to tell you the details and just listen. Dealing with your anger is in your best interest, and sharing it is one of the most therapeutic things you can do during grief. You are trying to clarify the details of your anger with your friend so that you can do something about it. Do your best to determine if you are holding on to your anger as a way to stay connected to the deceased.

5. Consider what uses you can put your anger to. Anger always has a purpose. Is it helping you understand your limits? Your wishes? your sadness? Your real friends? Your need for tolerance? Your deep love for the deceased? Allow anger to play a discovery role in your complaint. Does it prevent you from accepting the death of your loved one? Take time to think about the questions above as you choose to let go of your anger and use it to tap into creative insights and ideas.

6. Do something in anger. To remain angry and vengeful is to resist inevitable change. Resistance guarantees that the anger will continue to linger and be problematic. Let me educate you and help you cope with losing him. Then let it flow.

Temporary solutions are to let off steam: exercise a release, scream, hit a pillow, or break something. This helps but does not resolve the anger. Find ways to channel your feelings into constructive action (perhaps so others aren’t subject to what you’re going through). You must take steps to get to the specific cause and resolve it by getting the necessary information, confronting the source, and/or forgiving.

7. Forgiveness is what will free you from the emotional and physical energy drain of anger. It is often difficult to gather, but it is the greatest gift you can give yourself by forgiving another. You are not forgiving by giving, nor will that immediately remove your anger; It will take time for your heart to follow your head. However, your act of forgiveness will improve your long-term health, reduce anxiety, and raise self-esteem.

Remember. Anger has a profound physiological and emotional cost. However, it is a normal emotion when someone is deprived of what is valued. And it camouflages other emotions. Above all, it tends to isolate the mourner from inner peace and from the people who can most help in mourning.

It takes courage and conviction to see your anger as a useful emotion that can lead you to a better understanding of yourself. But you can choose to grow through your courageous decision to forgive. Consider Gandhi’s famous statement: “Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”