Question: “I love my husband and always will but I don’t want to make love to him anymore because of the way he has gotten carried away. I know it’s a sin not to want to be with my husband because of his weight, but I can’t help it. What should I do?

That is a brave question. In our days of passionate counterattacks against the superficial standards of beauty imposed on us by television, magazines, and movies, you risk being scolded as selfish for not accepting your husband as he is, regardless of how he looks. . You rightly feel that you are sinning.

It is true that we have an innate need to be loved for who we are and not for how we look or what we do. We long to be loved without earning it in any way.

It is also true that the superficial standards of beauty imposed by our world are ridiculous and unfair, leading some to do foolish things with their bodies or minds. A fellow guest on a television show in Los Angeles told me that she had had fourteen cosmetic surgeries and that she had more scheduled. Although I was too polite to mention it, she made me sad that they had to completely remake her to make her feel adorable.

However, none of that means that what you feel is wrong. You say you love your husband as he is: you just don’t want to make love to him. I guess it’s because you’re no longer attracted to him, or actually repulsed by his excess weight. Interestingly, if he had been heavy when you fell for him, you wouldn’t feel that way now. You would find that the extra weight of him turns you on more than it turns you off. But that’s not the case with you, and that’s fine. What you feel is not bad.

Whether we like it or not, sometimes a person loses physical attraction to their spouse as an emotional reaction to the other’s change in appearance, such as significant weight gain. It doesn’t happen to everyone whose spouse becomes obese, but it does. It is not an act of will, but a reaction of the emotions. Part of that comes from feeling disrespected. You may think, “If he loved me, he wouldn’t let this happen. It’s not like I have a physical problem and I can’t help it. He could control this. Why wouldn’t he do it for me?”

Also, some of this may be due to the unique way you put yourself together. Some things attract you physically; some things repel you. For example, if your husband comes home muddy, reeking of freshly caught fish, and wants to make love, you wouldn’t feel guilty for refusing his advances and demanding that he clean himself up before he lays down next to you. That same principle is why you refuse to let him make love now that he is overweight. Your love and affection did not disappear, but just as the smell of your dirty fisherman would disgust you, so would the sight of his body that no longer bears any semblance of its former tone and shape. You still love; you just don’t want to make love. It is not your heart that stops you; They are your physical senses. The attributes that used to trigger your passion are gone, and your sense of disrespect drives you away.

Because you react this way, other factors can negatively affect your marriage. Your husband may feel rejected and unloved. As she moves away from her, her negative feelings will worsen and she may self-medicate with more food. He doesn’t feel loved, so he eats. You don’t feel respected, you may even feel revulsion, so you withdraw emotionally from him. I guess you are in a cycle that will only get worse until you do something to stop it.

Then what do you do?

First, assure your husband several times a day that you love him just the way he is and that you are committed to being with him for life. Second, open her heart and explain how she feels about her weight. Be honest about all her emotions. Third, ask her if she will commit to diet and exercise for you, as well as for her own well-being. Help in everything he allows you. Encourage him to seek reputable professional guidance.

If you work on this together, honestly and openly, you will bring the passion back into your marriage.

joe do
President
international love road
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