It has become a norm in this day and age for people to go into a relationship without answering certain questions in their heart about the person they are about to spend the rest of their life with. For some, even when they have answered this question(s) in their hearts, they chose to ignore the crystal clear signs and continue with the relationship due to certain pressures coming from family, peer pressure, self pressure or for other known reasons. them. But, whatever the case, it is imperative that these questions are answered and decisions must be made accordingly based on the answers provided.

The matter of the relationship is not something that one rushes into, because if you do it without prior preparations, you could end up rushing out of that relationship. This article is dedicated to young people who intend to get married one day. If by chance you are reading this and you are married, it will also harm your life. If you didn’t do it right, at least you can educate your children in the way they should carry out the marriage.

For some young people who are married, marriage to them is like someone taking them out of freedom (singlehood) and into slavery (marriage). For them, marriage is like a thorn in the flesh. This could be attributed to a number of reasons, one of which I think the main reason is that they never took the time to ask themselves this question “are we compatible?” People are not as quick to ask this question as they are to start a relationship. For some, they find out in the middle of the relationship before knowing this, while for others they wake up from their dream in marriage only to realize that the person they will spend the rest of their lives with is not a good match for them.

Compatibility goes beyond personality, individual personalities. Personality is not a constant but a variable that can always be worked on and modified. I am a firm believer that “personality” should never be a “standard” that people set on themselves and others before entering into a relationship. There are other, much more important things than that, which I think people who intend to get into a relationship should consider and keep in mind. These are things that some people have ignored even when it was crystal clear, they got married and the story from then on was filled with tears and agony, instead of experiencing what God had truly created him to become.

I have heard some ladies make statements like “I can’t marry a guy who is quiet because I am too, the house will be boring if we get married.” I am sure that she has heard several similar statements. The world now has a way of helping them by coining personalities into various categories and giving them nomenclatures like Sanguine, Melancholic, Phlegmatic, and Choleric. So, it’s easy for a marriage counselor to tell you that as a melancholic person, you shouldn’t marry another melancholic person.

Personality differences should never be the basis for marriage or relationships. Let’s go back in time, the first marriage and learn something there. I remember sitting at my bedside studying this verse and something caught my eye that I want to share with you about marriage and personality.

Genesis 2:18 the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a help meet for him.” Here God was thinking of giving Adam a wife and said that he wanted to give him a wife that would “fit” him. Note that, at that time, Man had not yet fallen. Adam was not deficient in any area, he had no character flaws or sin on earth, Adam was perfect! Everything that God created was very good! But God said that he wants to give him a woman that “fits” him. It means that God was looking for something beyond the personality of Adam.

In giving Adam a wife that is suitable for him, God never referred to Adam’s personality, but God gave Adam a wife that would fit the work (purpose) that he had given to Adam. God gave Adam a wife not to fill the vacant part of his personality because Adam was perfect, but to fit the work He has given her. So, stop looking for the “Mr. Right” or “Mrs. Right” that fits your type of person and look for the person that fits your purpose, dreams, and vision. Personality is not a constant but a variable as I said before, you can always work. Compatibility has more to do with purpose than personality.

We’re compatible? Have you ever sat down and thought about that? We get too busy preparing for a wedding and pay little or no attention to the issue of compatibility. This is one of the main reasons why many dreams are shattered after marriage. There are cases of husbands denying their wives the privilege of pursuing the dream they once had before they were married. You can save yourself this trouble by asking yourself “are we compatible?” Will this person I’m about to spend the rest of my life with work with me to achieve this dream I have? Can we pursue this vision together? Before you say “I do”, make sure you have resolved this question in your heart: “Are we compatible?”