In my previous articles, I went over the pros and cons of both selfishness and selflessness. In this article, I’ll share my personal experience dealing with the extremes of selfishness and selflessness, along with the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

When I was young, I started out as a very selfless person. He wanted to help people and be a friend to everyone. The problem was that I hadn’t developed as a person yet and I didn’t really know who I was. I would completely hide what little personality I had whenever I interacted with another person and try to become the exact person I thought they would like. As expected, most people saw right through me and wanted nothing to do with me. The only people who wanted to associate with me were the “user” type of people who wanted to take advantage of me.

I came to the conclusion that other people sucked because these people mistreated me. I tried to avoid socializing with others as much as possible. I was not willing to take a hard look at myself or my own shortcomings; it was much easier to blame others. I wasn’t ready to face the fact that I was part of the problem.

As I got older, I became interested in human behavior and self-improvement. I voraciously read everything I could on the topics, and in doing so, I learned a lot about myself and what I was doing wrong. One of the most important things I learned was that you have to help yourself before you can help others. I had to develop myself mentally, physically and socially. In order to accomplish this in the fastest and most efficient way, I had to go to the other end of the spectrum and become extremely selfish.

He no longer talked to people and tried to become his friend by changing me to his liking. I developed my own personality and sense of humor exactly the way I wanted, not for the benefit of others. I did and said what I wanted and refused to do what I didn’t want to do. I was surprised at how much more success I had socializing with people. More women were attracted to me and more men wanted to be my friend.

Acting this way increased my social success for two big reasons: trust and authenticity. I was more confident because I no longer sought approval from others. I was doing my thing whether other people liked it or not. This set me apart because most people are conditioned to try to fit in and go with the crowd. They are too afraid to do what they want for fear of disapproval.

I was a more authentic person because I was no longer trying to put up a false front to try to impress people. People appreciate when you’re genuine, and it’s easier for you to be relaxed because you’re not worried about acting out. The old adage to “be yourself” is actually very good advice. The thing is, you have to know who you are before you can really be yourself.

Since then, I have felt the call to help people again, so I have moved towards being more selfless. I am now in a much better position to help people as I have grown as a person and know the types of people to avoid. I can help people who really need and want my help, as opposed to people who are just looking to use me and take advantage of my kindness.

So what is better, selfishness or selflessness? I think for most people, it takes a while of selfishness to figure out who they really are and develop their personality. Once this is achieved, they can move towards selflessness in order to achieve a better balance in their life. Like many things in life, the answer ultimately lies somewhere in the middle, rather than one extreme or the other.