The Pocket Coach for Parents: Your Two-Week Guide to a Dramatically Improved Life with Your Intense Child [Soft Cover]
by Tina Feigal
112 pages, $19.95
ISBN-13: 978-1592982370
Non-fiction
Perhaps your experience of becoming a father is like that shared by many others: it is a festive occasion in which you contemplated the joyful experiences that were sure to come. Not long after his development as a father, he may have wished that children came with an instruction manual. As our children grow and develop, we sometimes feel like we are going crazy trying to get the children to comply with our desire for peace and obedience in the home. Today’s media-enhanced culture only seems to exacerbate the problem.
Tina Feigal, a licensed school psychologist, has written an intriguing paper on The Pocket Parent Trainer that addresses dealing with intense children. By definition, intense kids aren’t just those with certain illnesses, like: ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and the like. The author has developed what she calls “present moment parenting” and it would work for children of all kinds between the ages of 3 and 18.
According to the author, children with intense behaviors have overly active brains that seek to match energy levels with what they are experiencing internally. Much of this pursuit causes children to “act out” inappropriately. The informed parent will militate against the negative energy mix and instead seek to “unload” positive energy on the children to validate their self-esteem while also spreading negativity. The method: review current parenting strategies by trying to “parent in the present”.
This brilliant book presents a two-week program to help parents deal with an intense child by eliminating power struggles or even targeting maladaptive behavior directly. Instead of punishing the offense, she has had a family meeting beforehand where she informs the boy that all she will say in the future is, “You broke a rule. Take a break.” The child has tried this method before and is empowered to associate with you while you try to redirect him to more positive behavior.
This book is highly recommended for parents struggling with intense children. The examples presented seem to lend themselves more easily to parents of younger, more intense children. All parents can benefit from the extensive resource section filled with sign-in sheets to customize; daily reminder sheets to use at home to encourage “parenting in the present moment”; and even a 60 minute audio CD where the author presents a summary suitable as a question and answer session for parents.
