Once diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma at age 25, I was sure my love life would take a backseat during my two-and-a-half-year protocol. Living life as a cancer survivor and hoping that one day marriage and children will be part of my future seemed more fantasy than reality.
I found myself on a date or two with someone and ended what could have been a potential relationship on purpose. What if he finds out I’m stigmatized with cancer, non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and goes into hiding? How would i feel? How devastated would he be? Could I handle that type of rejection based on my medical condition and physical appearance? Wedding? Kids? These questions were far from superficial and bombarded my mind. They were real, to the core. Was it the fear of rejection, humiliation, and the thoughts of what gentleman would want a bald, gray-haired girlfriend who undergoes cancer treatments?
She had a big wig and with some makeup no one could tell she was struggling to survive cancer. I was twenty-five years old going to bars, parties, and every other social function imaginable. Cancer didn’t stop me there. It just kept me from getting into a relationship; I was actually the one who stopped me from getting into a relationship. During that time, I gave cancer too much power. Until I met Ronnie. I would never have expected that in nine months, after being diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma, love would be about to blossom and change my life completely. Yes, it was meant to be.
When Ronnie asked me out for the first time, I was very worried. I wanted me to put aside the feelings of insecurity that I allowed to control me while I was on the road to cancer survival. He watched me handle my cancer diagnoses and was inspired to see that he was able to keep a smile on my face every time he saw me. His reaction relieved me; However, at that time, I did not dare to overcome the vulnerable state. As a result, I refused to go out with him, thinking I was doing him a favor. Mentally and emotionally, I still had my love life on hold. That lasted about six months; however, during that time we became best friends. We went to the movies together, we went out to eat, we played golf, just enjoying each other’s company.
Regardless of NHL, Ronnie remained persistent and helped me see that I deserved to be happy in all aspects of my life.
I knew I wanted to be with him, just like he wanted to be with me. It was so surreal for someone like him to accept me as a girlfriend, hairless and with a blotchy gray complexion. It gave me the confidence to be secure in our relationship as it progressed, eventually culminating in true love. He became my rock and never asked for anything in return, just my health and happiness. We were married on our fourth anniversary, and sixteen months later we had our first of three children * miracles *.
We feel the same force over our relationship, if not stronger than before. They gave us the opportunity to have children, something the doctors were sure would never happen. The cancer protocol was supposed to put my 25-year-old body into menopause. The love and appreciation I have for my husband and children will never be taken for granted, not after living with cancer. Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, Marriage and Children ~ It was all meant to be.
