I often hear from wives whose husbands are begging to come home after cheating. Usually, the wife finds out that her husband cheated on her or had an affair and throws him out of the house immediately. Many of these husbands do not like this arrangement and begin to call or come in hopes of convincing the wife to let him come home to make it up to her or to save the marriage.

I heard a wife say, “I caught my husband having an affair seven weeks ago. He was cheating on me with someone at work and I immediately put his clothes on the porch and kicked him out of the house. He’s been living in a hotel. We talked sometimes, but I’m still not sure what I want to do. Some days, I feel like I should separate or file for divorce. And some days, I really miss him and think about giving him a chance to see or spend time with me. The other day, I picked up the phone and he proceeded to beg me to let him come home and ‘fix it.’ I asked him what he meant by that and he said he’s sure if I let him come home he would see how sorry and sincere he really is. that if I give him the chance, he knows he could fix our marriage and make me happy again.I told him I wasn’t sure there was any way to “fix” a marriage that chose to break up with his infidelity, especially since his actions weren’t accidental but deliberate. go on and on about how i should let him come home. I don’t know what to do. Should I let him back into my life? He had no easy answer for this wife. Only she could decide if she was ready for him to come home. This was not a decision I could make. But I could offer you some ideas, which I will share with you.

He doesn’t need to live under your roof to start fixing your marriage: You don’t need to live under the same roof to start healing or repairing your marriage after infidelity. Yes, it’s often a bit easier when you have access to your spouse, but it’s not absolutely necessary. Of course, desperate husbands will try to make you believe that it is necessary because they want to come home. You may really feel it and even have a workable plan, but you can carry it out whether you live at home or not. Many people seek counseling, work out their problems, or repair their marriage when living apart. Frankly, sometimes things are so volatile that this distance can actually make things better because it reduces immediacy, reduces drama, and encourages a couple to miss each other.

What if you want me to come home?: This is a completely different story. If you miss him and want him to come home, this is also valid. But don’t think you have to let him come home to save his marriage. And be careful to make it very clear that allowing her to come home doesn’t mean all is forgiven or that she’s excused from “fixing” him or doing her part to help him heal. Your return home doesn’t mean you won’t need to work hard on the issues that preceded, came after, or were a direct result of the affair.

What does a husband mean when he says he wants to “fix it”?“That really depends on the husband. Some men really mean to come home and show you that now he’s going to be the best husband you could ever want. He may mean to come home and show you how caring, loving, and kind he is.” “. and faithful man that he can be. Or, he may intend to do these things, but in reality he may come home and fall back into old habits. And unfortunately, some men use the “come home to fix it” excuse as a way to get back into their good graces without really being so sure about making real changes or doing real healing.

That is why I often advise not to rush into anything if you are in doubt. And it became clear to me that even though the wife missed her husband, she definitely had some doubts. So I suggested that she might respond with something like, “I know you want to come home, and there are some days when I want that, too. But I don’t feel comfortable taking that step until we’ve done a lot more work on our marriage. I need to see a little more progress because when you come home, I want it to last. I don’t want to make a hasty decision and then regret it because we didn’t lay the foundation we needed to heal and save our marriage. Why don’t we just keep making progress and see what happens? I appreciate that you want to fix it, but you can fix it without going home right away. Let’s not rush into anything and If things go well between us, we’ll talk about this soon.”

Note that I was careful to make it clear that the wife was open to him coming back in the future as long as he showed her a willingness to fix it no matter what circumstances he was dealing with. This is an important distinction because you want him to be honest and try to make things better while he continues to move slowly until you are sure it is time to let him come home.