Yom Kippur on Sdot Yam

Mon Oct 9 ’89/9:30pm

Kibbutz Sdot Yam

Today was Yom Kippur, so I begin writing on a “clean slate,” beginning with synagogue services (2 1/2 hours) last night to mark the beginning of this holy day for Jews.

I went primarily for the experience, as well as for the spiritual solidarity with my people (Church of God and the Jews) throughout the world. I read and sang to myself over a title from the service, amazed that I could keep up with the rhythm in Hebrew that I had never read before.

With me were other ulpanistim [Hebrew students] that he chose to fast, primarily, I believe, for the experience or test or display of willpower. Only God knows. I scanned the faces of everyone gathered in the makeshift synagogue with mixed emotions and an odd distance.

Tradition, however empty, hollow, superficial, has helped the Jews to preserve this Day, however imperfectly; however, I also couldn’t help but think of God and Kahane, who could dismiss such “worship” as vain and such “devotions” as null. Liberals, Hellenists, Humanists who have nothing to do with God and ignore or deny his Word as a general rule, as hypocritical and unacceptable as professing Christianity on the pagan days of Christmas and Easter, temporarily becoming “religious” or sick. ..However, may we all finally worship the One True God and his Son, in spirit and in truth. G’mar haiteemah tovah! [Be inscribed for good in the Book].

During this relatively easy fast today, I lay down and read and read Good News magazine I meditated on life, my past, present and potential future. I prayed and asked for forgiveness and clarity of mind and purpose with patience to overcome sins and achieve success in this spiritual struggle, resolving to start again abstaining from alcohol and stop going to our kibbutz pub on erev Shabbat. [Sabbath evening]. Today I missed very much the services of the Church and the fellowship with the brothers, remembering our divine camaraderie.

My goals were to spend 3 weeks. in Florida with Steve and Bob, also to change my name to David Ben-Ariel, 18 days in Europe with mom and Lisa, make aliyah to Israel and join an ulpan (crash Hebrew language course). So far, so good. Now he must decide – God help me – to immediately continue the ulpan in ketah bet [class b – next level] somewhere, or temporarily suspend Hebrew to earn money in a moshav… I’m currently reading Hannah Senesh – Her life and diaries. I found the first 50 pages very boring and forced myself to read what seemed like fabricated Jewish propaganda: the girl seemed too good to be true, nauseatingly good. Now I’m enjoying it more since she mentions historical events, like Hitler, etc.

I have wondered if perhaps the helplessness and hopelessness I have experienced in returning to God is part of His punishment to make me think twice about going astray again; my own mud Thank God I am convinced of his Call, Purpose and Interest in my life or he would have died long ago. Mrs. Corpus once commented how God had given me this gift of FAITH.

I must fulfill my personal destiny as a Son of Jerusalem, publish my poems, the painting called KING-PRIEST – The Twin Pillars of Israel, and the book THE GREAT DESIGN [since published as Beyond Babylon: Europe’s Rise and Fall]. I must, God willing, RESTORE our Judeo-Christian presence in Jerusalem and Israel, important since I am from Beth David [House of David].

We got our first official rain the other day.

Hannah S. wrote: “When someone in Hungary spoke about Zionism five or even two years ago, Jewish public opinion condemned him as a traitor to Hungary, laughed at him, considered him a crazy visionary, and under no circumstances listened to him.” He reminded me how I too, subject to ridicule or suspicion, am a pioneer of the Church of God here in the Middle East. mr fiedler [one of my former ministers in the Worldwide Church of God] he had once said about my “activist” activities (of writing to The Blade, my beliefs and actions) that I was so “unorthodox” – I replied that so was Mr. Armstrong, and like him, I would do it only if I were necessary, convinced of the correctness of my convictions. Later, somewhat angry or frustrated, he said, “Why can’t you be like everyone else who goes to the Middle East to party? [of Tabernacles], are you satisfied and come back? Why do you always have to make inroads?” I said what he called “breakthroughs” that he considered “open doors” that I never sought or pushed, but went through in faith, and that I simply believed what the Church taught, that I am a descendant part of Beth David and therefore I chose to return to my old homeland of the Jews: Israel. He said he was German but he didn’t feel he had to move to Germany. I told him it was his prerogative.

Previously, he and Mr. Gilbert [his associate pastor] He kindly warned me not to sound so Jewish that it might give people the wrong impression of the Church, like saying Shabbat Shalom etc. I thanked them for his concern, commented that I was already aware of the need to be balanced, but also that God had used my understanding of the Middle East to become all things to Jews and Arabs, more than others in the Congregation. Then when HQ banned me from attending the Middle East Party indefinitely, fearing I might misrepresent the Church (as a homosexual) [due to one complaint about me during the Feast in Jordan that contradicted the biblical procedure of Matthew 18:15-17, as Mr. Gilbert noted]encouraged me even more to think that a separation was due [like the US was driven to separate from England after a series of injustices]a different job to do [with a God-given focus on Jerusalem and the Jews].

Years before I was sent back home from Israel, I was strongly encouraged to do so, and had to wait for a resident minister in Israel to “supervise” my “activities.” [Church elder Carl Fields commented to me, “Are they setting a precedent?”] I waited 7 years, Grandpa died, I received my inheritance, I traveled Europe and now almost 30 (potentially significant) I am living in Israel studying Hebrew! I have been drawn to Israel, I want to be part of the history of this ancient but young nation and ultimately fulfill my destiny in Jerusalem.

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