I get this question a lot and I get it from women on both sides of this fence. Wives often ask this because they want to know if they can really believe her husband when he swears that he is through with the other woman. And, sometimes I hear this question from the lover (some of whom are repeat offenders) who ask me why every time they get into this type of relationship and even fully invest in it, men eventually end up getting back together with their wife. .

From wives, I often hear comments like “he says he wants to come back to me and he knows he made a big mistake that he will make amends for, but it’s hard for me to believe he suddenly saw the light and changed.” his mind. Why do men do this? Is there an answer I’m missing?

From the mistress, I often hear comments like “why is she telling me that her marriage is unsatisfactory and that she really cares about me and then she ends up going back to what she didn’t seem to want? Was she lying to me the whole time? Was I confused or what?

The answer to all these questions is as varied as the man himself, but very often, he finally realizes that he was desperately wrong in his assumptions and in his actions. And at the end of the day, all he really wants is to get back to his normal life (which he now realizes he took a lot for granted). I will discuss this more in the next article.

Men often eventually return to their wives because they realize the affair was a mistake that was based on deception and unhealthy assumptions: Before I continue, I must say that not every man who cheats will get back with his wife. But many do. And those who do often do so because they realize the adventure was a foolish mistake that will have far-reaching consequences.

At the beginning of the adventure, a man often looks for a way to fix what is broken or missing within himself. At first, it may appear that the matter is accomplishing this. But the brilliant novelty wears off relatively soon, and eventually most men wake up wondering what kind of logic they were using. Eventually, they realize that making even more mistakes and using questionable judgment is in no way going to solve their problems.

In fact, they often find that they are actually worse off and more confused and frustrated than when they started. Most of them will realize that they have done nothing but create a much bigger mess for themselves, and once they do, they will want to bring this situation to an abrupt end.

I often have lovers email me confused and angry that the husband abruptly broke up when they, the mistress, did nothing wrong. Often it is not necessarily the lover that is wrong, it is the relationship that is wrong. The husband comes to realize that there is really nowhere this can go and only negative things will come out. He therefore wants to escape and start fixing things as soon as possible.

Men often realize that the mistress is not who she thought she was and has nothing to do with his wife: Let’s be honest. People who have adventures very often live in a fantasy land. The mistress appears seductive and unconcerned because she is not the one doing the laundry, watching her groom herself, or picking up the dirty socks. At first, the mistress is usually quite good at keeping the heart light, and she is usually very careful about asking too many questions or making too many demands.

But no one can keep this up forever. Pretty soon these two people have to exist in real life and this is usually when the rose-colored glasses start coming out. And the view without them does not look so good. He comes to see that he and his mistress have the same problems as he and his wife. And that ultimately this woman is really a stranger to him and that the situation she has put herself in is very foolish and she has nowhere to go but down.

Men will often tell me that once they realize this, they realize what a jerk they’ve been. Suddenly they see her wives with a new eye and realize how much they took her for granted and projected her own problems onto her.

Men often end an affair and return home when they realize they can’t run away from their problems: As I mentioned before, husbands often find that they will not be able to resolve their problems, stressors, and insecurities through another person or in another relationship. They will usually realize that they need to work on themselves or this problem will just follow them from relationship to relationship and continue to make them unhappy.

Once they realize this, they finally understand that they need to get to work with the person they really care about, the person they’ve been so unfair to and taken for granted: their wife. It is so unfortunate that it takes a mistake of this magnitude to force men to wake up and realize that it is often the woman who has been there for them all along and knows them better than anyone and is most equipped to help them navigate their lives. right now.

Sometimes the wife does not believe these claims and is unwilling to pick up the pieces. And no one can really blame her. But, he is often sincere when she says that she can now look back and see that cheating was one of the biggest mistakes of her life and that she wants to correct it if she gets the chance. Many lovers will take it personally, but they really shouldn’t. The relationship didn’t have much of a chance from the start, as it was based on dishonesty, deception, and a fantasy world that never actually existed.