Despite all possible obstacles and cultural differences, the vast majority of Russian-American marriages are successful.
Accurate statistics are difficult to collect for a number of reasons. First, most census reports do not keep statistics using the categories of Russian women and American men.
Second, Russian-American marriages are a recent phenomenon for the most part. Most of them have only taken place since the breakup of the Soviet Union.
The number of marriages was small in the beginning and has gained momentum as time has progressed.
Consequently, most Russian-American marriages are a relatively new phenomenon. It is difficult to predict how these marriages will last the test of time.
However, INS statistics have estimated that roughly eighty percent of Russian-American marriages are intact after two years. This is based on the number of green card and naturalization applications they receive.
Marriage agencies, which specialize in bringing together American men and Russian women, estimate that eighty to ninety-five percent of marriages are successful, depending on which agency is reporting.
I would venture to say that the twenty percent of Russian-American marriages that fail are substantially the fault of American men.
Either American men were not very judicious in their choice of partners or men were not very good marriage partners.
They married women thirty years younger than themselves. They never went beyond beauty to find out what their partner really was like before marrying them. They used their money, status, assets, or position as bait to attract their mate.
They were unable to satisfy the libido or other energy demands of their younger wife. They had roommates or other people living with them that altered the family life situation.
They continued with their macho, alcoholic, womanizing or violent behavior that ruined their previous marriages.
Maybe they didn’t do enough to help their fiancé get through the difficult period of culture shock when they first arrived in the United States. Maybe they weren’t patient enough to help their fiancé learn all the little details of American life that we take for granted.
Perhaps they thought they could exercise “control” over their foreign wife because she “didn’t know any better.” Maybe they thought they had a sex toy, which would satisfy their demands without hesitation.
The reason I say these things is that most Russian women consider it extremely important to get married and stay married. The status of married women in Russia is much higher than that of being single,
Russian women will go the extra mile to make their marriage work.
They have a commitment to marriage that Western women do not have. They will often stay in a marriage, even if they feel it is not ideal, for the benefit of the marriage.
This requires an emotional and spiritual maturity that many people do not have.
Increasingly in Western society over the past thirty years, spouses have put the needs of their own ego ahead of the needs of their family and children.
This is the sequel to the “me” generation. Families, and especially children, were sacrificed on the altar of self-gratification. The ego demands of immature spouses put their own satisfaction before the well-being of their family and children.
This is one of the reasons why the percentage of nuclear families in the United States has fallen from eighty percent of the population to twenty percent in the last thirty years.
The missing ingredient is commitment. Russian women seek to marry Western men because many Russian men are no longer interested in committing to family life. They are Peter Pan who are afraid to grow up.
American men are turning to Russian women because they believe they embody traditional values that are lacking in American women. The traditional number one missing value is
COMMITMENT
Many American men also have commitment issues. They think that because they marry a foreign woman they will not have to work hard to make their marriage work. You are wrong.
Due to all the cultural differences, a marriage between an American man and a Russian woman requires even more work.
But if both spouses are committed to making the marriage work, then those things can be worked out.
I would dare to say that:
Whether American men chose average-looking Russian women, women over thirty-five, or women with children; and …
If they changed their lifestyle choices away from drug and alcohol abuse, violence, womanizing, and pornography; and …
If they worked hard to alleviate the culture shock, they showed patience in teaching their Russian wives about life in their new country and became better husbands and fathers; that the success rate of Russian-American marriages would be close to one hundred percent.