I often receive emails from women telling me that their husband’s infidelity has shaken their faith in their marriage and in themselves. They worry that they are no longer attractive, competent, and sexy. I often hear comments like “I feel so ugly and undesirable.” Or, “how could I have been so stupid? This has affected the way I feel about myself.” Or, “I’ve always had self-confidence and reasonably high self-esteem, but this adventure has made me doubt my own attractiveness. I’m so insecure right now and it makes me angry and sad.”
In the following article, I will offer some tips on how to overcome these feelings to restore self-esteem, self-esteem, and self-respect.
Understand that your deception often has very little to do with you: Many wives don’t believe me when I say this, but very often, their cheating is not the direct result of anything to do with you or your marriage. Many people will tell me that this doesn’t make any sense, but if you do a little research, you will see that most men have affairs or cheat as a way to calm their own doubts or concerns.
If you read interviews (and even my blog comments) of men who cheated, you will see almost overwhelmingly that after the fact they are very sorry and still love their wives, but were seeking relief from their own troubles. in the wrong place. Usually they will only realize this once the mistake has been made, sadly.
I know it’s almost impossible not to take this personally, but if you could read your husband’s thoughts, you could see that his actions were the result of his own personal insecurities and problems. Now, that is not to say that your marriage or your relationship does not need work or improvements. But at the center of this problem are often the actions of a confused, impulsive, and often repentant man. Do not confuse this with shortcomings on your part. These deficiencies very often simply do not exist and there is no reason for you to carry more on your shoulders when these actions were not yours.
Don’t base your feelings about yourself on someone else’s misplaced actions: To expand this even further, try thinking of this as if you weren’t the one involved. What if your best friend found himself in the same situation and came to you for advice? She would probably tell her that her husband’s big mistake doesn’t mean there is something wrong with her and that she is, in fact, a beautiful person inside and out, does it? Why doesn’t this same advice apply to you?
You are still the same person you were the day before you found out about his cheating. Yes, there have been tough times and there are tough problems that you will have to solve, but don’t let some actions that you didn’t take and had no control over affect the way you feel about yourself. You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to apologize for.
Their mistake does not mean that you are less beautiful, less intelligent and that you have some reason not to feel as safe as you have always felt. You are not the person whose actions have made them appear less attractive and less intelligent. That would be your husband. You can choose to forgive this and you may not. But who you are doesn’t have to change. Always safeguard your well-being. You owe this to yourself and you deserve this inner peace.
Be as selfish as necessary to safeguard your self-esteem: There is nothing wrong with concentrating on yourself right now. In fact, I often recommend precisely this. Sure, your marriage may need your attention in the days and months to come, too. But nothing should be as important right now as you. You have been dealt a very cruel blow and as a result you must be kind to yourself. I know it is often your inclination to focus on him, but the same attention and care must also be given.
You should be as kind and loving to yourself as possible. Because if you move forward with doubts and insecurity, this will negatively affect all areas of your life. You don’t deserve this. Restoring your confidence and self-esteem will affect many other areas in your recovery. It will facilitate this process and facilitate future decisions.
And it is important that you do it for yourself and for no one else. Dig deeper to find out what it is that will restore your confidence and peace to your heart. I worked on my personal appearance, but limited myself to the things that had bothered me long before my husband cheated on me. This helped. But it was the self-care work that helped me the most because it reinforced the belief that these efforts were worthwhile and that I had made myself strong enough to deal with anything that came my way. This, in turn, helped make progress somewhat easier.