Sometimes I hear from spouses who want to offer some kind of gift to indicate how sorry they are for cheating or having an affair. And yet everything they consider seems wrong to them. They want to get the perfect item that shows their sincerity going forward. But they are not sure what is appropriate.
I heard a husband say, “I cheated on my wife and she found out. Honestly, I was considering leaving my wife and being with the other woman. But once my wife found out and I saw the pain my actions caused her. , I changed my mind. Seeing her so vulnerable reminded me of the woman I first fell in love with and I decided that I owed it to both of us to try and save our marriage. To my surprise, she agreed to give me that fact. That she is willing to give me another chance humiliates me. I want to get her something to show her how grateful I am. I asked one of her best friends what she would like and the friend told me that I am stepping on narrow ground because my wife is going to read too much anywhere whatever I choose. Are you right? I don’t know what to do right now. “
What Your Spouse Really Wants: While I think it is heartwarming when one spouse wants to show their love for the other, I agreed with the friend that the wrong decision could make the situation worse. I need to be honest right now. As a spouse who has been cheated on, I can tell you that what your spouse wants is not jewelry or another trinket. What your spouse really wants is your marriage back. They want to feel like they can trust you again. They want the assurance that you still want them and that you won’t cheat again. They want to feel your genuine affection. They want you to do whatever it takes to help them heal or recover from this. Frankly, these things would be more meaningful than any trinket could be.
Make sure any gift shows your spouse how much you understand and appreciate it: I understand and respect that you want to make a gesture to show your spouse how important he is to you and how committed you are moving forward. In that case, you need to seriously consider it. You don’t want to submit the wrong idea. You don’t want to just give them a “gift of guilt” that you didn’t think very deeply about. Many men will think that they will be covered if they buy expensive jewelry for their wife. I suppose this works for some women, but many wives will assume that you think you can just buy an outlet and that is not the message you want to send.
My experience and opinion is that you will be better off if you can find something that shows your spouse that you know her intimately and that you want to reconnect with her that way. Perhaps you can find something that is a symbol of your early relationship. Perhaps you can find something that reminds your spouse of your honeymoon or a trip or a hobby you share that is meaningful to you. Frankly, this is going to be very individual for each woman. The gift should show her that you know what is important and meaningful to her because you listen and understand her.
I will share with you one of the most meaningful gifts my husband has given me. Shortly after his infidelity, my mother became very ill. I had to spend a lot of time in hospitals and this was emotionally draining, although there is nowhere I would have preferred to be because I wanted to support my mom. My husband called my stepfather and asked him to relieve me for a day or two. When I got home, my husband had set up a hammock in our backyard and bought a book that had been meaningful to us early in our marriage. I wanted him to take some time to enjoy the book in the hammock. This gift was not expensive at all. But it showed that my husband really understood what would be restorative for me. And he cleaned up his calendar so that we could spend time together in that place. This meant more to me than any jewel.
Obviously, what is meaningful to your wife will be different from what is meaningful to me. But if you listen to your heart and discover what something could mean to your spouse, then that is a gesture that would probably be greatly appreciated.