Some narcissists are obviously obnoxious, offensive, and stubborn. Others, however, present themselves as attractive, attractive, and calm people. It is not until a direct confrontation occurs that his narcissism becomes obvious.
Work up the courage to tell him (or her) that you are being self-centered and will continue to do what you were doing as if you hadn’t said anything at all or he or she will be furious. “Me? Me? Self-centered? How do you think that makes ME feel?”
Although not all narcissists are made of the same fabric, they have many traits in common. These are the most typical:
1. Narcissists find it difficult (if not impossible) to truly appreciate the validity of another’s point of view. They imagine that others think and feel the same way they do. And if they don’t, something is wrong with them.
2. Narcissists need constant validation from the outside. Admire and respect them and they do well. Find them and be careful! Great narcissists will strike back with poison; closet narcissists will shrink back in their cave.
3. Narcissists often display a facade based on impressive and admirable traits. What is wrong with that? Nothing, if it were not a mere showcase. Her front self is false, covering up a real self that is insecure and vulnerable.
4. Narcissists see others as extensions of themselves. The narcissist sets the standards for behavior and does not tolerate opposition, especially if his point of view requires him to respond in ways that he does not want.
5. Narcissists believe they are entitled to special treatment. Whether it’s a “stupid” law or a “dumb” demand, narcissists feel they shouldn’t have to go along with the pack and settle. They believe they have a higher status; So why adapt just to please someone else?
6. Narcissists use money to help them feel special. Status items like expensive clothes, cars, houses, dinners, and travel are essential ways a narcissist enhances his ego. Spending money, if you have it, is one thing; spending money, if you don’t have it, is another. Regardless, a narcissist believes that he deserves the best. And you easily fool yourself into believing that the money will be there in the future, even if it isn’t now.
7. Narcissists can show generosity by giving large tips or taking care of bills. Take a closer look, though, and you’ll see that your generosity is built on establishing a reputation as a VIP.
If you find out that you are living with a narcissist, what can you do to make life easier for him? Keep reading.
It may seem strange to say “find out” that you are living with a narcissist, but it is true. Many people don’t realize that their partner (or adult parent or child) is a narcissist, and they find out only after a long time. Why isn’t it obvious at first?
Two reasons:
1. Narcissists are great masters of disguise, and they describe their behavior in the best of terms (that is, I only do it for you!). Therefore, it may take a while for you to “understand” what is really going on.
2. Although narcissism gets a bad rap (egotistical, selfish), narcissists also have positive traits. In fact, they can be quite charismatic and charming. Therefore, it can be hard to believe that narcissism is driving your behavior.
Once you recognize that you are living with a narcissist, here are 7 valuable tips to help you maintain your sanity and self-esteem.
1. Know what you will and will not tolerate
Trust your own judgment. If he (or she) is spending recklessly, know what they will and will not tolerate. That doesn’t mean all spending has to be done your way (unless it’s 2 narcissists fighting). But it does mean that you don’t tolerate the narcissistic explanation of free spending (that is, hey, you only live once. “) And you take the necessary steps (whether he likes it or not) to protect your financial future.
2. Boost your own self-esteem
Don’t expect your narcissist to boost your self-esteem when you’ve just helped bring him down. That is something you must do for yourself. Spend more time with people who think highly of you. Get involved in enjoyable activities that reinforce your ego. Be kind to yourself.
3. Know when you are being ‘gas lit’.
When your narcissist says something, then denies saying it or claims to have said something different, you may start to doubt your own sanity. Were you listening? Were you dreaming She’s crazy? I’m crazy? What’s going on here? Your narcissist may be maliciously doing this to throw you off balance. Or you may simply be responding to your need of the moment, forgetting what you said earlier.
4. Develop a positive support system
It can be difficult to be honest with others. You may feel embarrassed, especially if you’ve been covering up for your narcissist for so long. However, see if there is a trusted friend or family member with whom you can share what is really going on. Also, consider seeking the help of a professional who can provide objective feedback.
5. Do not tolerate degrading emotional outbursts.
Sometimes they will get angry with each other and need to vent. But “how” you vent is vital. If they speak to you with disdain and disrespect, stop the action. Do the problem, HOW it is being treated. Express your disappointment. Demand an apology. And if you have to, step back and let him know that you’ll be happy to pick up where you left off when treated with respect.
6. Learn negotiation skills
Just because your narcissist wants something doesn’t mean he should get it. Just because you express yourself forcefully doesn’t mean you give up. Everything is negotiable. You just need to know where your power is. So you need to pass it on and make it happen. Negotiation skills will empower you in many areas of life, today and in the future.
7. Accept that you are not going to do a total personality makeover of your narcissist. You shouldn’t want to either. If your relationship is that bad, consider breaking up. But, if there are redemptive traits, see if you can work together to create “family rules” of acceptable behavior.
Living with a narcissist is not easy. But putting these 7 rules into practice will make things more manageable for you.
