Funny Excuses Men Give When They’re Caught Cheating

When you’re a kid and get caught with your hand in the cookie jar, your natural reaction is to make up some excuse, any excuse, in the hope that it will bail you out. Kids will say the most ridiculous things to get out of punishment, and apparently so will a husband who has just been caught cheating on his wife.

You’d think that having definitive proof of your husband’s affair would make it impossible for them to say anything more than “sorry,” but that’s not the case.

Here is a collection of funny and just plain weird excuses men have given after being confronted by their wives about an affair. And yes, they are all real comments that have been uttered by at least one cheating spouse. Most have been used many times.

She is only a friend. This is probably the most common defense. Of course, this doesn’t take into account that you don’t usually call “friends” of the opposite sex at all hours of the night, use secret cell phones to communicate with them, and take them to hotel rooms during lunch breaks. .

Everything is your fault. This takes all the blame from the unfaithful spouse and throws it directly at the feet of the betrayed. If you had only been this, or that, or a combination of this and that, he never would have had to cheat on you. Do you see what you’ve made me do?

I felt sorry for her/She needed me. Hoping that you feel some kind of empathy for the other woman, a cheating husband will use this as he tries to appeal to your emotional and caring side. Maybe the couple in the affair was going through a tough time, needed someone to talk to, and her husband, being the helpful and considerate guy that she is, was there to boost his self-esteem. It never occurs to the infidel that his wife and children may have needed him more!

I don’t remember if I did anything. If they think you have proof, and surprisingly, even if they do know you do, the old amnesia excuse is easy to come by. After all, if they admit nothing, then nothing happened, right? You can’t blame them for forgetting!

Those scratches on my back? I ran into a nail at work. Even if your spouse works in a high-rise office with marble columns and mahogany desks, you never know what kind of loose nail or rough edge might be lurking in the workplace, waiting to inflict bodily harm on you. So naturally, those bite marks or scratches on the back, rear, or sides come from sloppy building maintenance.

I kept my wedding ring on while having sex with her; That shows that I love you. This one has it all: narcissism, stupidity, and good old fashioned twisted logic. Look, I love you so much, honey, and you’re so precious to me, that even while I was having sex with another woman, you were too important to get me out of my mind. What other declaration of love could a wife wish for?

The reason I didn’t mention it to you is because you would have said “no.” Is this boy in kindergarten? He thought about asking your permission to have a sleepover with another woman, but you’re such a moody wife and you never let him do anything fun, so he thought it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

I’m so glad I got caught… I’ve been trying to finish it. This is the real-life equivalent of those heist movies: you know, will the scammer do just one last job and then be done? If those. This cheater paints you as a helpful savior, because he’s been trying to get out of this whole adultery thing for a while, but didn’t know how to end it. Thank God you came and saved him from the whole sordid thing.

There are many, many ways to make a betrayed wife think she’s crazy. These are just a few examples, and they show just how outrageous a cheating husband’s behavior can be… and how pointless affairs really are.

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